My Remarkable Journey to Work

My friends, I want to tell you a little story about my journey to work this morning. As this is typically a dull 15 minutes of my day, I must admit, today the trip is worth mentioning. If you can imagine, I am at a red light sitting in my car patiently waiting for the green. Like all red lights the people gather to a stop just as I had seconds before. As you may expect, I am doing nothing out of the ordinary while stopped; simply daydreaming about my decaf- 1%- iced mocha- w/a splash of non-dairy creamer I’d be making upon my arrival to work. Yes we are that spoiled at work that we can make our own Starbucks extravagance without the burden of paying for it. Then again, this is not the point, my friends. The point is that in the middle of a virtual sip of coco bliss I am startled into reality by the sound of frantic honking coming from behind me. Initially I think, “Holy Shit, my car’s going to blow up, clearly I am being warned!” Consequently I turn to look behind me ready to ascertain the impending doom my car is to endure. My friends, what I see is not a signal of warning, not a Good Samaritan ready to rescue me out of harm’s way. No my friends, what I turn to witness is the woman in the car behind mine violently flicking me off and yelling profanities at me through her windshield. As you can imagine I am dumbstruck with confusion. Evidently the stupefaction is illustrated on my face as the woman clued me in by determinedly gesturing to my bumper sticker which reads “Obama 08’”. With nothing more to do, I modestly smile at her and turn around still awe struck with bewilderment. Whilst the light turning to green, she is sure to strategically drive in the corresponding lane to parade her obscenities once more up close and personal. Now this woman was ANGRY. There was nothing but hate and rage in her face. Amazing, I thought as I broadened my smile as she drove passed. Was it the Obama 08’ sticker alone that enraged her so, or was it that sticker combined with my Darwin Fish? Would she have come at me with a baseball bat had my other “lefty” bumper sticker not been stolen? Granted, it was a bit offensive reading “The only Bush I trust is my Own.” However, is that not my right as an American? Isn’t that what makes this country so great? Her response to a measly bumper sticker makes me question: what she would have done if she knew me? You see my friends, I’m Pro-Choice; Anti-Death Penalty; Pro-Gay Marriage; I don’t own a gun; I don’t believe in God; I’ve had sex before marriage-a lot of it, and good sex too; I’ve had a child out of wedlock and one on the way; I’ve had same-sex relations- and enjoyed it; I believe in women’s rights, human rights, civil rights, even animal rights; I believe in religious freedom and tolerance; and finally I believe obtuse, simple-minded, dim-witted, unintelligent wankers need to shut off FOX News, study some FACTS, and go Bugger off!!!